Requirements For Home Visit 1


This is my 2nd year at university, however reading through my emails I found this classic one ‘Requirements For Home Visit’. My email to my parents is in Black text, my parents reply is in Blue enjoy.

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All,
I thought that I would give you ample warning of my list of requirements for my trip home. Just as the Queen forwards her wishes to her place of stay a week in advance, I have done just that. For the ease of completion I have divided the list up into several categories:

Food:
Dairy:

  • Longly Farm Full Fat Cream Cheese
  • Hard Cheese (Mild Cheddar/Edam)
  • Schmerlings Cheese Slices

Meat:

  • Chopped Liver
  • Lamb (or Rabbit)
  • Selection of cold meats (including turkey, beef, tongue, lamb, liver sausage

Other:

  • Tival Vegetarian Slices
  • Latkes
  • Coleslaw (Yiddies)
  • Fruit:
    • Grapes (taken off the bunch)
    • Pineapple (ready cut)
    • Lychee
    • Dried apricots

Drinks:

  • Fruit Teas (Whittards): Mango & Passion Fruit, Cranberry & Raspberry
  • Ribina, Black-current – No added sugar
  • Mulled Wine (For 23rd December – 26th December Inclusive)

Room Requirements:

  • Please wash and iron my bed sheets
  • Remove crack from ceiling
  • Find another place for the lodger to stay
  • Floor hovered
  • New pillow (of the soft variety NOT FIRM!!!)

House Requirements:
Environment:

  • Hot water available between 7am-11am & 6pm-9pm
  • Heating on between 6am-1pm & 4pm-10:30pm, with a minimum temperature being 21 Degrees Celsius at ANY TIME

Meals:

  • Lunch to be served Weekdays 14:00 and Weekends 13:00
  • Dinner to be served Weekdays 18:30 and Weekends 19:00
  • NB Soup is not required at lunch time meals

Other:

  • Wash towel
  • Collgate Whitening Toothpaste With Bicarbonate Soda
  • My corner of the sofa will be reclaimed when TV viewing is in progress.
  • Herbal Essences Shampoo & Conditioner – Citrus Lift

Arrival Program:
16:00 – Turn on hot water – insure there is enough for a bath
18:30 – Prepare dinner, consisting of cold meat, latkes and coleslaw
15min Prior to arrival (I will ring ahead to inform you of this) – Ensure room is at least 21 Degrees Celsius & there are people ready to collect my bags from the car.

I think that is about it, if there is anything else I will be sure to let you know. I will ring you Wednesday night to confirm that these arrangements have been made, however with 7 days clear notice I see no reason why this should cause a problem.

Lots of love, and cant wait to see you all.

XxXxXxX

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Dear Jonathan

I thought that I would give you ample warning of my requirements for your trip home. Just as the Lord and Lady of the Manor have rules for their abode which they would circulate in advance, I have done just that. I have divided the list up into several categories;

Welcome
Parents:

  • Father – You will hug him warmly and thank him for shlepping across the motorway at night for you and bringing you home safely
  • Mother – You will kiss her warmly and thank her for staying up to greet you. You will ask how she is

Siblings:

  • Brother – You will hug him warmly and ask him how he is. You will remark on his nice haircut but NOT ask him if his head is cold
  • Sister – You will kiss her warmly and ask her how she is. You will comment on how she has grown. You must NOT comment on how much her hair has been cut!

Etiquette:
Table Manners

  • You will comment on the exceptionally high standard of every meal that is prepared for you
  • You will not comment if the food is not as ordered
  • You will not comment on how the other residents of the Manor eat
  • You will, with your siblings, to help clear the table, wash and dry up – you will not accept your Father’s offer to do it
  • You will not argue with said siblings about who has done what

TV room:

  • You will not leave your dirty plates, glasses or other utensils on the floor
  • You will empty the room of all dirty utensils before going to bed
  • You will allow other people to watch what they want to

Inter-Personal

  • You will talk to us in a nice manner
  • You will say goodnight to each of us every night
  • You will read the Lady of the Manor a bedtime story before tucking her in at night
  • You will tell us where you are going and what you’ve been doing
  • You will give us a days notice of what you are doing
  • In the unlikely event of either of your siblings making a noise and disturbing you, you will say and do nothing
  • In the extremely unlikely event of either the Lord or Lady of the Manor annoying you in any way, you will say  and do nothing

Household

  • You will not leave the lights on
  • You will not turn on the immersion
  • You will not turn the heating on
  • You will not leave everything plugged in and on
  • You will not throw everyone’s towel to the floor in the airing cupboard when you get yours out

Departure from Hillel

  • You will hug your Father warmly and thank him for shlepping across the motorway
  • You will offer your Father a hot drink
  • You will pack swiftly and without a fuss about what your Father sees
  • You will talk to your Father nicely as he drives you home


I think that is about it, if there is anything else I will be sure to let you know.  I will speak to you on Wednesday night to confirm that these arrangements have been made, however with 7 days clear notice I see no reason why this should cause a problem

Lots of love, and can’t wait to see you

The Mum & Dad

XXXXX

  • Annette

    Good points, I think I will definitely subscribe!🙂. I’ll go and read some more!