The Breakfast Experience That Lead To Me Wanting To Break Necks! 1


Breakfast; meaning ‘breaking of the fast’ between dinner and lunch, arguably the most important meal of the day, and therefore the most important meal of the day to get right.

If you ask someone whats their ideal way to wake up in the morning ‘ooo a nice breakfast in bed’ is the usual reply, as eating breakfast is for some – a very relaxing affair. Switching on your radio station of choice, sipping a nice cup of tea or coffee, (depending entirely if coffee is your cup of tea) or perhaps some juice, traditionally either apple or orange. Dehydrating at night means that liquid nourishment is key to feeling awake ASAP. The substantial part of the meal of course comes from the cereal, toast or cooked breakfast – the focal point if you will. Tucking into such foods gives you a sense of pleasure that no other meal can as it beings to settle in your stomach. At least thats my idea of a luxury breakfast.

That image which I described above, and the image which was drawn this morning as I stumbled down to the breakfast hall could not have been further apart. Now living in catered student halls the food is always top-notch, and breakfast today was no exception; orange or apple juice, cereal, bread (of both white and brown kinds) and all the jams and spreads the tongue could possibly want to experience at 8 in the morning. What really annoyed me was what joined me.

I’m going to jump right in and tell you what annoyed me. Firstly I was joined by two ‘ladies’ who very kindly decided to sit opposite me. Now I use this term very loosely indeed. These ‘ladies’ were more like heifers – and before you ask what one of those are; it’s a female cow that hasn’t yet given birth; I looked it up for the purpose of this rant.

‘Why Jonathan are you describing two innocent young girls as heifers?’ I can hear you ask. Its simple; just like cows they were chewing with their mouth open, my absolute bug bare at any time of the day – however at 8 in the morning you don’t want to be greeted by morning breath and partially digested toast and jam!

Simple I will just put my head down eat my breakfast quickly then leave them to graze; oh if only the story could end there. A third girl walked in, she wasn’t a heifer oh no, she didn’t mulch her food, she didn’t even slurp her drink, she laughed like a hyena and had a voice which boomed like a, like a … well booming voice.

This was more annoying that the cows that came to graze in front of me, I have come to the conclusion that there is a) nothing worse than someone with an awful laugh giving it airtime at the most peaceful moment of the day. b) Having a loud voice exercised in a breakfast room when everyone else is sitting in silence! I mean bar the occasional mooing and chomping prior to her entrance we were sitting in silence – so where does it say that she can waltz in, cackle shriek and leave?

Breakfast (for those who eat it), aim for it to be a relaxing meal, so that you remain calm for the rest of the day; or at least as long as the trip to work takes you. However after todays antics I think I may join the group of people who wear by not eating breakfast and remain hungry till lunch. All because of two heifers and a hyena joining me for breakfast.

cow-chewing-with-mouth-open

Anyone facing this in the morning has my deepest sympathy.

  • More Good Stuff 🙂 The Funny Thing Is I’ve Been Calling People Heffa’s For YEars… Thinking It Was Short For A Heffalump… No Idea What That Is.. Preggers Cow… Love It !! Bet That Put You In A Right… Dare I Say It…. Mooooooo ! d :p
    xxxx