The Great British Builders Dictionary 1

Having the builders in to do work is never pleasant, the majority of them don’t clean up after themselves, drink all your tea, and drag the job out as long as possible to make more money.

When I returned to my house in Manchester after the Christmas holiday the wall in the garden had collapsed, no one was hurt and the landlord was very good and had organized builders to come round during the holidays to begin rebuilding it. Ive had past experiences with builders many years ago when we had an extension on our house, however rather than the building trade maturing, they seem to have got worse.

So in order to help those who are new to builders understand what they say, compared to what they mean. Here is a dictionary I complied whilst I waited like Hadrian to have my wall rebuilt.

“Ill be here around 8:00, is that ok?” Means “Provided my dad doesn’t die again, gear stick come off again, dog get run over by a car again ill be here by 8:00. But they cause any problems ill be here by 11:30.”

“Its a simple job that love” Means “I should know what to do, but if not ive got a mate who I can ring and can Google ‘How to build a wall’.”

“Shouldnt take more than two days” Means “If I arrive when I say I am going to, dont mess around on my phone, reading the newspaper and trying to fill in the crossword it may take double that. But lets be realistic, I am so its going to take 6 days plus.”

“Its a two man job” Means “If I wanted it done properly and safely I should have a four man team, however I dont have enough boys as they are busy ripping off one of your neighbors further down the street.”

“We couldn’t trouble you for a cuppa tea could we love?” Means “Ive been working so hard on this crossword my brain is over heating, I need a break.”

“The weather is no good for this kind of construction love, it simply ruins the work we do” Means “I dont wanna get wet and cold and ruin my hair, id rather stay in the van and read the Daily Sport.”

“I just gotta pop off and get some more materials.” Means “I have all the materials I need in the back of my van, I just want an excuse to go for a walk about so I can delay working.”

“I need part of the money for the job up front so I can buy materials.” Means “My holiday for the wife and I needs paying off tomorrow.”


You've Got To Love Builders, They Are A Law Onto Themselves!

You’ve Got To Love Builders, They Are A Law Onto Themselves!